BDSM RTV NEWS!!!!

26 september 2008

Playful Torture

Source: www.idsnews.com Indiana Daily Student - USA

When getting ready for school, IU junior Keith Loman puts on jeans, a T-shirt, and occasionally, a dog collar.

“I used to wear a dog collar,” said Loman, who is part of a small community on campus that participates in BDSM. “Sometimes people would ask about it or classmates would stare, but it wasn’t a big deal.”

Loman said many people who participate in BDSM will wear collars or necklaces to signify submissiveness.

The image of BDSM that most people conjure when they hear the term involves whips, chains and other forms of inflicting pain. But Debby Herbenick, an assistant research scientist at the Center for Sexual Health, said the term describes a wide range of sexual behavior.

“There really is no standard definition for BDSM,” said Herbenick. “It just means there are usually one or more elements of bondage, domination, sadomasochism, submission or power play.”

Role playing is the basis of BDSM, Herbenick said. Common scenarios such as “boss and secretary” or “police officer and prisoner” are a part of the act.

“There is nothing ‘wrong’ with someone who enjoys BDSM,” said Herbenick. “Domination is about feeling powerful, and that can be exciting to people - even if it is not in the bedroom.”

Role play can be used to “spice up” a relationship, Herbenick said, and it is more common among married or committed couples.

“There are not as many interesting sexual behaviors among students as among adults,” she said. “This is because many students are not sexually active or do not have sex regularly.”

Herbenick said there is no clear line between when “vanilla” sex stops and BDSM begins.

To distinguish between levels of BDSM, Loman said there is a scale used in the BDSM community called the “chocolate” rating system.

“My friends and I picked up the ‘chocolate rating system’ at a convention,” said Loman. ‘Vanilla’ is for plain, typical sex, ‘milk chocolate’ would be for some bondage, blindfolds and gags. ‘Dark chocolate’ is when people use whips and chains to inflict pain. ‘Pure chocolate’ is with heavy bondage and suspension and would be almost just fetishism and not really about sex.”

Sophomore Lillian Feldman-Hill, said BDSM is not as extreme as most people think.
“BDSM is mostly role play and a cross between the senses. It is a mixture of pain and pleasure.”

The pain aspect of BDSM causes a lot of negative stereotypes, Feldman-Hill said, and sometimes outsiders see it as abuse.

“BDSM is not abuse as long as it is between two consenting adults,” she said.
Herbenick said the common mantra of BDSM is “Safe, Sane and Consensual.”
“BDSM requires good communication. It is not always painful, and a person is in charge of what happens to them,” she said. “BDSM actually focuses on safety.”
To ensure that all the activity is consensual, “safe words” are used.

“Safe words are important because BDSM involves acting out fantasies,” said Herbenick. “Part of the role might be to say ‘no’ or ‘stop,’ so it is important to know when ‘no’ actually means ‘no.’ The word has to be something that the person would not say during sex, like ‘tomato.”

On campus, BDSM is more openly accepted at the Collins Living-Learning Center, Feldman-Hill said.

“It is a very taboo subject in most places, but not in Collins.”
Feldman-Hill said that sex and BDSM are topics she can freely discuss with her friends.

“I know about seven people that are open about it,” said Feldman-Hill. “But there are more that are not.”

Outside the Collins community, the BDSM community has a more subtle presence. While there is no specific dress code, BDSMers wear certain colors or items of clothing to express themselves.

“It’s not like everyone is wearing black or has on handcuffs all the time,” he said. “People dress so they know when it is playtime or not.”

Eroticon, a BDSM-friendly event, according to its MySpace page, will be held in the spring at Jake’s Nightclub, though no definitive date is set yet. The event features supervised “play spaces,” information on risk reduction and safety and other demonstrations.

The annual screening of the Rocky Horror Picture Show at the Buskirk-Chumley Theater, which occurs near Halloween, is a popular event for students involved in BDSM because of the opportunity to dress in full regalia. Loman attended the show last year.

“People who go aren’t necessarily into it,” he said. “But given the nature of the show, I would assume they are tolerant of it.”

It is presented by the Cardinal Stage Company and has sold out since its inception in 2005.

“The movie has a cult following,” said Danielle McClelland, executive director of the Buskirk-Chumley Theater. “People usually dress up in full costume.”

Neither Loman nor Feldman-Hill has experienced any negative attention for their BDSM-related attire, and Feldman-Hill said she does not feel threatened in Bloomington for displaying her involvement in the BDSM community.

“Bloomington as a whole is more accepting of BDSM culture than a small town,” she said.

Though Bloomington has a reputation for being more liberal, Herbenick said that misconceptions toward BDSM are not uncommon.

“There is a stereotype that Bloomington is different than other places, but sexually speaking BDSM is more common than people think,” she said.

On campus, Herbenick gives lectures to student groups about sexual health and has given lectures on BDSM.

Sometimes enacting actual BDSM role playing proves to be a challenge on campus, especially in the dorms, Loman said.

“If you want to have harnesses or suspension you would need your own house,” said Loman. “To have an actual ‘dungeon’ would be more of an investment. There isn’t much you can do in the dorms, but supposedly college beds are good because they have four posts.